There is a multitude of manipulation that goes on in the family dynamic. Parents attempt to control their children or each other. The kids know how to push the buttons of their mother and/or father in order to get what they want. And siblings are never without the ability to goad and cajole each other into getting their way.
Now, there may be some folks out there who do not participate in such goings-on; it is rare. To some degree we all play each other. It may be to a lesser extent and it might be for the good of a loved one; we do it nonetheless. Often we will convince ourselves that any disreputable behaviour is beneficial for the others in our lives.
Simple because this is part of the make up of one’s family does not equal cruel and unusual conduct. It is a dysfunction that many have survived and thrived on, only to recreate it with their own children. One bad apple will spoil all the others except for the ones who remain untouched by the rotting process.
Seeing a mean spirited act is the first step to avoiding contact with it. That will be a person’s saving grace. Admitting to a tainting of the same brush will begin the realization of the behaviour in yourself. Observing without judging will change the outcome.
There is another way to combat such despicable exploits. The truth. Not the story one has spun in order to make the manipulation palatable but the cold hard truth. And that will come with confronting what the ultimate goal is.
If you want another to do something, instead of conniving them into it, simply ask. If the answer is ‘no’, move on. Acceptance will force another solution. Do not look for the answer that will bring on more unfairness. Do the deed yourself. Or have someone else do it who will happily comply.
Be honest and upfront about everything. That will, in the long run, win over and conquer all forms of underhanded deeds.